Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
