whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
