I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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