my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
