Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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