Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
