dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
