Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
