I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
