shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
