Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize