Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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