And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
