I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
