I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
