Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
