He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
