dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
