Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just pee around me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
