Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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