I'm going to jail i love you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
