woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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