He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
