So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
