i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
