Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize