I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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