So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
