I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
