My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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