I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
