You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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