I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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