Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
