New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize