dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
