I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize