who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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