She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
