so explain again why im purple
no
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
