I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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