I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
