You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
