He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
