He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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