We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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