tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
