how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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