If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i came on her dog
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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