i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
