with your own penis?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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