Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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