1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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