I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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