Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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