they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
