Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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