I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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