OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
