I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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