I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
