it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you win again, gameday.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
