great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
