Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize