So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
