If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
