You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
